How to get rid of obsessive people

Each person has his own personal space and a zone of comfortable communication. Without suspecting it, we establish acceptable boundaries of behavior for us. That is why we are more relaxed with friends, frank with loved ones, cheerful with children, and restrained with colleagues. When a person appears who longs for our attention, not the most pleasant situation happens. Education does not allow you to simply turn around and leave, and the mind says that the time spent on useless communication can be spent more profitably ... And in general, should you go against yourself and endure an obsessive person?

Who are the obsessive people

No one should tolerate intrusive communication. However, getting rid of annoying stickiness, not being known as a boor and preserving your face is not so simple. In order to choose the right tactics of behavior, you need to understand who you are dealing with, what are the motives of the annoying interlocutor and what he wants to get from communicating with you.

All children turn to adults with their needs. As they grow older, requests change their character and gradually disappear. At the same time, the person himself learns to cope with his needs on his own, to establish the very boundaries of comfortable communication and takes care that no one encroaches on his comfort zone. However, some people seem to remain in childhood, do not grow up psychologically, cannot cope with their own emotions and still seek outside support and approval. So there are two types of obsession:

1. Estimated dependence. In this case, the person sympathizes with you as individuals, your opinion is important to him, life is interesting, he tries to be like you. This is very similar to admiration for an idol or love, even if you are of the same gender. If the interlocutor talks about himself, it is only for the purpose of hearing advice or learning an assessment of what is happening. We can say that you have been elected to the position of expert and wise mentor.
2. Energetic vampire. In this case, the interlocutor is parasitic. He just needs to throw out his emotions, share events, make an impression, prove something, gossip or just kill time. The energy vampire doesn’t care your opinion, he didn’t come for that. It is possible that they won’t give you a word, but the interlocutor will conduct a monologue and disperse in discussions, plans, conjectures, etc. In your place can be absolutely anyone who does not resist the pressure of an energy vampire.

Of course, the first type of obsession may seem more harmless and less uncomfortable. However, this is only the first time. The consequences of "mentoring" can be very deplorable, because to some extent the interlocutor shifts the responsibility for making a decision specifically to you, he himself is removed from the problem and relies on a reliable rear. And maybe, in general, he takes some of his worries and problems onto the shoulders of the expert he has chosen. The energy vampire frankly parasitizes, tires, leaves behind an unpleasant residue and mercilessly kills your time.

The conclusion suggests itself - communication should be equally pleasant for both parties. There should not be significant advantages. If there is an obsession, then you need to fight it.

Rules for communicating with annoying people

Firstly, it is worthwhile to understand that all adults, without exception, feel relevant to themselves and clearly understand that the other person avoids them, does not want to communicate, ignores them and tries in every possible way to distance themselves from their annoying interlocutor. However, not everyone is ready to give in and do not seem to notice that their society is burdensome.The result is a kind of game of "cat and mouse." A similar game can last for years! Therefore, no concessions sticking do not need to be done. If a person is unpleasant to you, you need to immediately make clear your position and build a line of behavior. You need to do the following:

Be as sincere and honest as possible.
So say that you have time to talk, but there are things and plans that are currently more important to you than communication. Do not look for imaginary reasons, do not say that you are in a hurry or busy, do not postpone the conversation to another time. Frankly admit that you are simply not inclined to speak. In no case do not take the position of an excusing person.

If the interlocutor constantly asks for advice, explain the true reasons why you cannot or do not want to give it.

For example, it concerns personal life, in which case you need to say that you know the situation only from the words of the interlocutor, which means that you cannot objectively assess the situation and assume anything. If it comes to work, then decide on the specific time at which you are ready to discuss the interlocutor’s questions on a common basis, and want to spend your personal time as you wish. Nowadays, information is expensive, so you yourself have the right to choose with whom you want to share knowledge and experience, and with whom not.

Behave in a mirror to an obsessive acquaintance
Suppose you meet by chance, just don’t pretend that you don’t notice it, but instead, fall asleep with questions, translate the topic to your convenience, interrupt and do not let yourself come to your senses. Touch on a topic that the interlocutor does not like to support. Let it stick, it takes a defensive position and realizes that not only he can set the tone for communication.

Do not answer uncomfortable questions
No need to invent anything, just say a simple, but meaningful phrase: "Sorry, this is personal." You do not have to speak frankly about your thoughts, feelings, plans, desires and opportunities. If with friends and relatives you can still somehow get out of the uncomfortable question, then the curiosity of the annoying acquaintance must be stopped in the bud. A person must understand that your relationship is not so close that there are no forbidden topics.

Ask sticky about any small service in the short term, but rather borrow money.

You will see that in 80% of cases a person will immediately disappear from your life. It is one thing to communicate, and another to find time for an act or free money. This method works especially effectively with the second category - energy vampires who are not interested in your worries and problems at all, but only need to talk about themselves and kill time.

Be adamant and explain your position
Communicate with an obsessive interlocutor briefly, in monosyllables, withstand pauses. Frankly take an interest in why you owe such close attention to your person. Admit that excessive attention causes you inconvenience. Note that in most cases you communicate only out of politeness, because you do not want to offend the person you are talking to. Indicate topics that are especially unpleasant or uninteresting to speak to you. Do not be afraid to offend a person, because you do not characterize his personality, but discuss the manner of communication.

Of course, to protect yourself from communication with annoying people, you need courage and fortitude. But you have to choose: either spend your time and follow the sticky stick, or defend your boundaries of inner comfort. Indeed, in life there can be dozens of annoying interlocutors, and there is simply no point in giving everyone time.

Video: how not to be intrusive or how to get attention