How to get rid of jealousy: advice from a psychologist

How often we are jealous of a loved one and weary him with constant interrogations and suspicions, without realizing it. At first, this is of course pleasant, it seems that you seem to be not indifferent, they are taking care of you and "there is a struggle" for you. However, over time, this ceases to be fun. Constant reproaches and conjectures are ready to drive into the corner of any person and then he begins to think about real betrayal, because this is what he is constantly suspected of?

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is an emotional state when you try to protect your partner from other potential acquaintances and communication with the opposite sex. However, most people do not want to admit to themselves that they are really jealous. Often, jealousy comes from childhood, where before the eyes was a parental model of relationships.

What is the nature of jealousy? Why is a human being trying to be sole in partner ownership? Most animals are alien to this feeling. However, people also have situations where several women share one man - the eastern harem. Women of the polygamist are on an equal footing and receive the same amount of material values ​​and attention of the spouse. And they are not at all jealous of his rivals (or do we not know much?).

But we are not going to breed a harem, and our halves, knowing about it, behave decently, however for some reason this is not enough for us either. Constant phone checks, correspondence on social networks, checking all friends of the opposite sex - life becomes like a manic pursuit. Jealousy, like salt, is pleasant only in small quantities. This is a feeling that you definitely need to get rid of.

Reasons for Jealousy

Why are we jealous? Here are a few basic and common problems.

1. Unfinished situations associated with treason or betrayal in the past. In fact, there is a very fine line here. If in your life there was a case when a partner changed (or almost did it), jealousy increases simply exponentially. It happens that you seem to have forgiven a person for words, let him back into your life so as not to lose relationships, not to ruin your family, etc. However, the soul did not accept, and the heart did not forgive, because you cannot order them. And every time a loved one is delayed from work, thoughts always return to that very situation.
2. Feeling of inferiority. Often this happens among people who are unequally socially. If he is the soul of the company, he was the first handsome man in the class, and she is a gray mouse that no one paid attention to, a woman develops a powerful spiritual conflict. She does not understand why he chose her, for which he fell in love with her (does she have something to love for?). And throughout life, this feeling of insecurity and inferiority gnaws at her, pushing for a constant feeling of jealousy.
3. Another cause of jealousy is considered to be an incorrect perception of a feeling of love. Some pathological jealousy believe that the more they will be jealous of a partner, the more love they will show him. This model of understanding jealousy also often comes from childhood.

Types of Jealousy

Jealousy, as a natural feeling, can be normal and pathological. Normal jealousy - has an undoubted place to exist, often its absence is also a big problem. After all, if a person is absolutely indifferent to you, if he does not ask where you were late, where this bouquet of flowers comes from, it is not good. But where is that line? How to define a “healthy rate of jealousy”? For each relationship, it is different. Rare jokes in the form of “why did she look at you like that?” and the like are appropriate.However, if jealousy strangles a partner and ceases to give a normal life, then it needs to be urgently fought.

Jealousy is not only between a man and a woman. Often, jealousy manifests itself in the relationship "brothers-sisters" when there is a struggle for parental attention. Jealousy is very close to the concept of "envy."

How to get rid of jealousy

1. To get started, try to understand what are you afraid of? Lose a loved one? And you can hold it by force in case of what? Understand that YOUR person will never leave you anywhere. And if he left, then he was never yours from the very beginning. Sooner or later this would happen. So is it really necessary to torment oneself with speculation and conjecture?
2. If you want to keep a person, let him go. This rule works one hundred percent. Move away from this problem, take care of yourself. You don’t need to think about your partner every second. Go in for sports, sign up for courses in drawing, driving, beadwork or cooking. Free time gives rise to unnecessary thoughts in this situation. Show a man that he is not your whole life. That you have many other interests and hobbies. And he will reach in your direction.

1. Become better. Why do you underestimate yourself? Why do you think it’s impossible to love you? Each person is unique and you are no exception. You need to bring yourself to life in the literal and figurative sense. Change your hairstyle, renew your wardrobe, go to spa treatments - all this can work wonders.
2. Do not be jealous, let them be jealous. Arouse a slight jealousy in your partner. This does not mean that you should come home with bouquets of flowers (women) and lipstick on the collar (men). Allow yourself an easy flirt with strangers in front of your partner. It may be just a smile and a polite word, but it will not go unnoticed. Do not bend, otherwise you risk becoming a target for unbridled jealousy.
3. If your jealousy is baseless, do not try to hurt your loved one. You need to fight with yourself and your own feelings. Understand that a loved one is a full-fledged person who has not only a personal life, but also a job, a hobby. Do not block it in all areas. No need to call him every five minutes, annoying and interfering with work. You do not need to demand a minute report where and with whom he was. If you love a person, trust him.
4. Stop coming up. So your husband helped the woman collect the fallen papers and with a polite smile left. If you weren’t by my side, you thought, he would certainly lead her home. No need to fantasize and think out the possibility of a situation. You bring to life what you think. Rejoice that you have such a gallant husband who can come to the aid of a woman. Indeed, for this you once fell in love with him. Think about what this woman must have thought in her soul, "what an intelligent man." But this is your husband! Let envy!
5. Do not compare yourself with others. There will always be one or one who is more beautiful, slimmer, smarter or richer than you. But your partner chose you. With your strengths and weaknesses. Do you really think that if he meets a woman who is more suitable in some respects, he will exchange you for her. Surely there are some of your spiritual qualities for which your man fell in love with you.
6. Understand that constant jealousy can torment anyone. And he may have the thought "why not change, anyway, I listen every day for treason, which was not." And he begins to pay attention to a more balanced and calm friend of the opposite sex. Thus, you yourself push him to betrayal.
7. Try to meet friends more often. Just do not choose the envious. Find in your environment a person who will invigorate and bring you back to life. No need to communicate with those who "winds" you.
8. Call your loved one for a frank conversation. Try to understand the motives of one or another of his actions.Being silent and thinking over, you can easily draw an unpleasant picture in your head. If your husband lingers at work every day, try talking frankly with him about your suspicions. Perhaps he found a side job to buy you an expensive anniversary gift, and you have already mentally figured out his mistress.

Jealousy is a negative feeling that does not need to be allowed to grow and absorb all your thoughts and feelings. If jealousy becomes unbridled and uncontrollable, you need to contact a psychologist. However, in most cases, you are able to cope with these problems yourself, because you are a strong, self-sufficient person, isn’t that so?

Video: how to stop being jealous (psychologist consultation)