How to learn to understand people: the advice of a psychologist

How often do we give advice to relatives and friends from the outside that this person cannot be trusted, but this can be. But when it comes to ourselves, situations constantly arise when we find ourselves deceived, betrayed and abandoned. It is at this moment that there is a desire to learn to understand the nature of people, to understand what they are actually persecuting, and whether it is worth continuing communication.

Psychology has long unraveled all the secrets of character and offers methods of cognition of personality. This is not only the division of people according to temperament, but also the ability to unravel the meaning of gestures and reactions to a particular situation.

Temperaments of personality

Nevertheless, it is worth starting the study of personality psychology with basic knowledge. These include temperaments. There are 4 of them in total, but do not forget that there are mixed traits that are not immediately detected, but during prolonged communication.

Phlegmatic person. Distinctive features: measured, slow, even lethargic. Such people rarely show emotions, they simply do not know how to do it. Finding themselves in a difficult situation, phlegmatic people begin to analyze it. To others, isolation seems arrogance and arrogance, but this is not entirely true. Often a typical phlegmatic person turns out to be the cutest responsive person who can become a true friend.

Sanguine. The exact opposite of phlegmatic. Sanguine people are open and cheerful people who grab onto any business and agree to adventures. But the problem lies in the fact that they quickly get bored with everything. The mood can change completely suddenly. In addition, they are very superficial in relation to even close ones.

Choleric. This type is distinguished by sharp, explosive character traits. Cholerics are very temperamental, act under the control of emotions, which can then be very regretted. But they are more sincere than sanguine. If you come to terms with some character traits, then the choleric will become a true friend or companion for life.

Melancholic. Such people are very sensitive, they are easy to offend, but also easy to gain favor. Melancholics are distinguished by a sad mood and insecurity, they are often closed, avoid communication. Due to their nature, they become attached to one person for life and are painfully experiencing breaks. It is hard to be friends with melancholy, but you can always tell him about your experiences, and he will understand and support.

There are many tests to determine temperament, but their result will never be certain. A pure personality type does not occur in nature, usually one of them dominates, and the other complements it.

What to look for when you first meet

Acquaintance with a person can already give us enough information to decide whether to continue communication or not. This is not about external data, which can be attractive or vice versa, but a deeper analysis of the interlocutor's features. There are several patterns of behavior that can tell a lot.

Imagine a situation when you are on a blind date or a young man or girl is hooked on meeting you.

During a conversation, pay attention to such details:

1) The ability to adapt to the situation. For example, you agreed to meet in a cafe. Check his emotional stability by offering to go to the cinema, because there just goes the movie that you wanted to get on for a long time. If a newly made acquaintance or acquaintance begins to argue for the inconsistency of such a decision, most likely you come across a personality type with a lack of adaptation skills,that is, the ability to make decisions quickly and switch from situation to situation. Soon the relationship will become a burden to you, because there will be a great many such tricks.

2) The ability to listen. This is a very important point, because attentiveness to the interlocutor is either there or not. And there's nothing to be done about it. Being interested in how you are doing, he will never ask why - this feature of behavior speaks of false interest.

3) In a conversation with a person, try to learn as much as possible about his surroundings. With whom communicates, what kind of relationship in the family. If he shares his stories with interest, talks about having real friends, then feel free to continue your acquaintance. It’s worth pondering when the interlocutor begins to complain to everyone that he was abandoned and betrayed. Agree, it rarely happens that everyone turns away from a good and selfless person in an instant.

These rules are valid not only for the given example, but also in any similar situation. For example, in the business sphere, when you are going to hire an employee or plan to cooperate.

If you become more than friends

When you spend a lot of time together at work or during a lesson in common hobby, you get the opportunity to carefully observe a person and study his character traits. Soon you will learn how to make a psychological portrait and understand how a friend or colleague treats you.

Observe the following character traits:

1. Emotional stability. If your friend reacts violently to every situation that happens to him, soon you will feel his emotions on yourself. Many people are looking for a loved one to pour their negative emotions on him, thereby freeing themselves from them. If you feel depression and loss of strength after meetings, then do not continue.
2. User relationship. We all love to be praised and complimented, but often this is not from the heart, although we want to believe otherwise. If a work colleague or friend, after a short acquaintance, begins to ask you to replace him or fulfill an assignment, then they will use you. This is especially noticeable when requests become weighty and at the expense of your time and personal life.
3. The pretense. Take a closer look at how a person behaves alone with you and in company. An honest and decent friend will not change tactics and pretend to be someone else.
4. The desire to be near you. If a friend wants to spend a lot of time in your circle, asks about interests, takes into account your opinion, then he sincerely wants to become a friend or someone more. If he often has urgent matters, he is constantly busy, then do not waste your precious time.

These seemingly simple rules, each of us knows. But during the period of communication with a person who is cute, they are forgotten. Therefore, keep your sanity and evaluate people not by external qualities, but by their attitude towards you.

How to recognize a lie

More often than not, the reason we want to learn how to understand people is the reluctance to stay deceived. Therefore, you should remember a few gestures and habits that will help to understand whether a person is lying or telling the truth.

They communicate with you sincerely if:

• eyes look into your eyes;
• the interlocutor has a free pose, arms and legs are relaxed and in a natural position;
• connected speech, even voice;
• a person quickly and without hesitation answers your questions;
• sincerely smiles - together with lips, eyes express this emotion.

You are tricked if:

• when talking, the look is often transferred from one side to the other;
• arms and legs crossed, sharp movements. Often a trickster cannot find a place for himself;
• voice changes intonation. If a person is lying, then he unconsciously tries to speak quieter;
• the speech may be incoherent, the interlocutor gets confused in the facts, makes long pauses;
• he smiles without raising the corners of his mouth. Such facial expressions are more like a smirk.

The more points incline you in one direction or another, the more accurate will be the guesses. But still, it is worth considering some annoying factors, for example, an unfamiliar environment, noise, poor health of the interlocutor. Therefore, conclusions should be made carefully.

Psychologists advice

In order to accurately learn to see people through and guess their intentions, personal psychology experts advise developing useful skills. They will help not only in relationships with people, but also in any life situation.

What you need to do to be able to understand people:

1. Develop intuition. Your subconscious mind knows a lot more than you think. It postpones all the impressions, good or bad, received from communicating with people. Therefore, sometimes you seem to feel your inner voice that says to trust a person or not. Learn to hear it, and you can intuitively guess the trick.
2. Apply knowledge from experience. You can read as much literature as you like, but if you don't train, then the knowledge will remain useless. At first it will be difficult to remember the intricacies of psychology, but soon it will become a habit.
3. Learn to analyze. A person can seem like a real friend for a very long time and behave with dignity, but someday the fraud will be revealed. This will be indicated by insignificant at first glance details. Therefore, learn to pay attention to the nuances of behavior and habits of people around you, because a person can not pretend to be all the time.

Starting to observe others, you will see how much falsity and insincerity is in them. But do not let this shock you. After all, good people will always be there, and you will feel calm and confident with them, not thinking about betrayal and lies.

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