How to wean a child to lie: tips for parents

Children’s lies at any age give parents a lot of unpleasant sensations. But often, they don’t realize that they themselves, without noticing it, push the child on the path of lies.

How to wean a child from lying? First you need to figure out the reasons. Why is he doing this? What goal does he want to achieve? And only then begin to act.

Fantasy flight

Sometimes parents call the baby’s turbulent fantasy a lie. Because it exists so much in the imaginary world that it often confuses it with reality. And it scares the family.

Example. A girl can play with imaginary toys, dolls. Not to be confused with an invented girlfriend! The boy shows his parents an imaginary battle with the dragon, and in his hands he does not even have a stick.

Instead of playing along, the parents abruptly pull the child - don't lie! And the child ceases to fantasize, in the understanding of adults - to lie.

Decision. This is the most harmless kind of childish lies. Do not focus on it. Direct the exuberant imagination of the offspring in a useful direction. Draw, write fairy tales, do any kind of creativity. And along the way, explain to the child that instead of telling stories to everyone we know, we will write a story together. Or draw a plot of his fantasy.

Fear of punishment

When parents constantly tug on a child, punish, threaten, then he begins to lie. Just get frightened out of them from fright. Often adults do not notice how their offspring are tyrannized. And they call it parenting. The kid ceases to trust, begins to dodge, lie, even if caught red-handed.

Example. The child broke an expensive vase. To the mother’s question: “Who did this?” replies: "This is a cat." Moreover, there were never animals in the house.

Taking without demand a chocolate bar and with a smeared face with manic obstinacy, he rejects his deed. He will stand his ground, in the hope that he will avoid another portion of abuse.

Decision. Stop scolding the child. Even when he did something wrong, do not punish, but explain why it is bad. And you need to do this as soon as possible. That is, your moralizing will be useless to a teenager if you punish him without explanation from a very young age.

Try to regain his confidence. For the offspring you must first of all be a friend, and only then your mother. Which is also a torturer.

Hidden emotions

Of course, each of the parents wants to see their child always cheerful, cheerful and cheerful. Only now he is also a man, although still small. He gets tired, sad, angry like adults.

Example. Mama took the boy from the kindergarten and drags his hand home. The kid does not want to go and whines: "I'm tired!". To which the parent replies: “How could you get tired, you played in the kindergarten all day. Stop whining! "

The toddler pauses and smiles strainedly. And then it stops telling the truth to parents. If the situation is not changed now, then in the future, even with the most terrible problems, he will tell his parents that he is doing well.

Exit. Never limit the child in the manifestation of emotions. Of course, if this does not contradict a specific situation. Inadequate screech in the store with the ordered tone “buy!” not counted. Do not bother when the baby wants to be sad or tired. At other suitable moments, let him speak out, if necessary - help him find the words. The sooner the baby gets used to sharing his little troubles with you, the easier it will be for you to find a common language when he becomes a teenager.

Baby love and parents are actors

How often mother shakes her head theatrically and laments: “Ay-yy-yay! How you upset me! ” Then, deliberately clutching at the heart, looking for valerian. And what did the child do? Nothing out of the ordinary. Everything is within the norm of a developed baby. Only now, mommy does not have the desire to calm the mischievous child in a different way. So she arranges mini-performances. It’s good that at least not with strangers.

Situation. The guests came, the little one is excited, begins to chase, rage, ceases to obey. After the departure of strangers, mom plays her trademark “deep swoon” from the disorder for the offspring’s behavior.

Next time, the child will simply lie to her. That he behaved well, that he listened to his grandmother, that he did not fight with his sister. After all, beloved mommy can not be upset! Look how bad she is doing.

Way out of the problem. Stop arranging your child picture scenes. Children under 12 years old are extremely impressionable. Your concert can negatively affect the psyche of the child. In the future, he will lie not only to you, but to his relatives, classmates, soulmate. And all just because of not being upset.

Complexes

Some parents do not fully understand that the child is only learning. At the slightest failure, they criticize instead of support, set other children as an example. The child begins to consider himself inferior. His self-esteem goes down. And the banal lies begin to look better in the eyes of others.

Situation. The kid spent some time with his grandparents. Upon returning in paints describes his exploits and good behavior. Mom, after a conversation with her grandmother, finds out that the offspring told the guests the same fantastic incidents. And he behaved disgustingly.

Solution to the problem. Never compare your baby with others. He must always be sure that for you he is the most unique and beautiful. Even when behaving badly or lying. Stop criticizing the child, even if you deserve it. Accurate debriefing in calm tones, and now the baby himself seeks to be better than others. After all, Mommy is so proud of him, which means that one must actually correspond, and not invent star stories.

Inattention

The most incomprehensible kind of lies, which you can’t even call lies. Rather, embellishment. But justified from the point of view of the child. Parents in the frenzied rhythm of modern life give the child too little attention. Even in the evening, when the whole family is at home, he is left to his own devices. With him there is no time to play or talk, household chores are running out.

Example. The little pean begins to lie. Only not to you, but to others. From a conversation with a teacher or teacher, you will learn about your beautiful family, about remarkable alleged successes. And at the same time, complaints of bad behavior are being received, conflicts with peers begin. Imaginary living friends appear.

Way out of the problem. The child lacks parental attention. Spend more time together. If you do not tolerate household issues, solve them together. Wash the dishes - let the child wipe. He doesn’t want to wipe, just let him stay nearby. Discuss his past day, take an interest in success. After playing together, read. A child under 7 years old does not need much.

As for the teenager, it’s more complicated here. One mother, in order to find a common language with her son, had to learn to play his favorite computer shooter. But there was a topic for a general conversation. Further more. The woman did not like the music her child listens to. But for the sake of her son, she honestly read the biography of the group and listened to several of her hits. Mom didn’t love this musical direction anymore, but when she started a conversation with her son on this subject - he should have seen his eyes! And now they are doing household chores together, simultaneously discussing new shooting equipment or an unsuccessful new clip.

But what about conflicts? They have stopped.As soon as the offspring ceased to boast at each corner of his "beautiful" imaginary family, peers stopped bullying him. After all, before that they only laughed at him, and he was angry.

And the need to lie has disappeared by itself. What for? If mom is already paying enough attention to the baby. By the way, it’s enough - it’s not only to feed, clothe, put on shoes. This is also moral attention, equal communication and the absence of silence and hidden grievances.

Key recommendations

1. Before reproaching the offspring for a lie, look at yourself. An ideal role model for parents is not always the right example. How many times have you lied to a child yourself? Even the most insignificant deception will never escape the attention of a little man. And if you can lie, then why can not he?
2. Perhaps, on the first attempt, you will not be able to establish a lost psychological contact with your child. Do not give up, try again and again. Just do not break and do not swear if the child continues to lie. Show him your love over and over again. Talk about her. Explain that now you are a little upset to learn about his lies, but still love him. And again, try to make contact.
3. Offer the offspring your solution to his problems. Let him know that he will always find support and participation in you. If the baby begins to share his fears or successes with you, then you are doing everything right.
4. Do not force the promise to never lie again from the baby. And even more so, do not threaten punishment and all heavenly punishment. Pressure on pity is also a dirty trick. Remember how still tiny he cuddled up to you and felt sorry for mom's bo-bo? This pity for loving you will make him lie even more. And the promise to stop should be made at the initiative of the child himself and more!
5. As you know, crime is better to prevent. Start from a young age. Watch the appropriate cartoons with the kid, read fairy tales, invent stories for him. Teach you to tell the truth since childhood. And at the same time, teach tactfully to be silent so as not to offend. After all, you did not lie, but simply said nothing. Just be sure to write down the moments when this can be done, and when not.

How to wean a child from lying? To gain his trust, to give his attention and support. Love your baby. At any age and mood.

Video: what to do if the child is lying