How to survive a husband’s betrayal: advice from a psychologist

You began to notice that the husband often talks on the phone, they receive SMS, he hangs on social networks, spends a lot of time not with you, but in the company of friends. This behavior leads to the idea that a loved one started an affair on the side and cheats on you.

When you are convinced of this, you begin to think what to do next. To kill, to forgive, to drive away, to take revenge - you can do a lot of stupid things in a fit of anger. But psychologists offer a completely different way out of the situation, which will help preserve nerves, health and relationships with her husband.

Why do men cheat

A woman will never understand why a man can change if he loves. This happens because the strong and the weaker sex radically differ in their views on life. Women are created to keep the hearth, to be faithful to their family, and men are born conquerors who need to conquer new peaks in order to remain at their best.

Statistics say that 99 out of 100 men are capable of treason, 75 of them at least once were unfaithful to their halves, and 50 consider this the norm. Therefore, it is rather easier to reconcile than to struggle with male nature.

Reasons for male adultery:

1. Men do not make any sense in sex, for them it is a way of relaxation and a natural need. Someone needs it more, someone less, hence the emergence of relations on the side.
2. Women think that they are not cheating on them, but just as men are sure that they will not be caught. Some close their eyes, while others take advantage of this.
3. A man simply does not love you. If he does not value marriage, then he does not try to hide what is changing.
4. A man can change from boredom, being in search of new adventures and sensations.
5. Sex on the side can happen, because a good opportunity will turn up and there will be a girl who agrees to this.

Yes, from the point of view of women, men are selfish animals, but nothing can be done about nature. You can only change your attitude to this situation and come out of it with a proudly raised head.

Signs of treason

But before you blame your soulmate for betrayal, you need to have evidence. Otherwise, you will be considered a hysterical woman, and the relationship will end.

What signs indicate a husband's betrayal:

1. Change in behavior. New acquaintances always leave a mark on speech, manners and habits.
2. If a man cheats, he has to lie. But a lie is a difficult skill and not everyone masters it. If events, dates and little things do not converge in his stories, then he may have an affair on the side.
3. A man requires you to change in your intimate life. He longs for new experiments, wants to change your appearance and behavior.
4. The sudden attention and courtesy on the part of her husband suggests that he is trying to distract attention from other things.
5. When your husband starts asking you to cook unusual dishes, although you have always been delighted with homemade borsch, someone indulges him with delicacies on the side.

Remember that someday the truth will be revealed. So think before you start trying on the role of a detective and look for evidence. Is such a game of your nerves and time worth it or not.

What to do if your husband cheated on you

If all the evidence is on the face, and the husband did not find excuses against your arguments, then it's time to think about how to live on. Most women put this event into a stupor, and they begin to panic, because they do not know what to do next.

It is this fear that inhibits the desire for exposure and the wife turns a blind eye to her husband's behavior. This threatens a nervous breakdown and loss of self-confidence.In any case, the situation will have to be resolved, and the sooner this happens, the better for both of you.

Psychologists also advise against scandals and tantrums. It is best to wait a while and calm down. And you should talk with your husband and make decisions on a cold head. In a fit of feelings, you can utter insulting and unfair words to your spouse, it hurts to hurt his feelings and then regret it. Every man deserves forgiveness, especially if he loves you. All people tend to stumble, but then repent of their deeds.

Ideally, you need to part for a period of time and put all your thoughts on the shelves. Separation will help to understand how much you need a loved one, whether it is worth maintaining a relationship and how to behave further. In addition, this is an occasion to make your husband worried.

Is it necessary to forgive treason

For a woman to forgive betrayal means to show her weakness and softness. They think that they pamper their men this way and push them to more terrible things. But forgiveness does not mean to commit adultery again. It is necessary to clearly define the boundaries and not violate them.

Forgiveness is necessary, first of all, for you, and not for your husband. There are several important reasons to prove this:

• Hidden resentment does not allow you to move forward.
• It is a severe stress for the nervous system to store and perceive negative information.
• Failure to forgive the mistakes of loved ones will not allow you to build strong and trusting relationships.
• Resentment causes a decrease in immunity and the appearance of diseases.
• Resentment makes you a weak person, unable to withstand difficulties.
• Having harbored anger at one person, you will no longer be able to trust others, constantly comparing them with each other.
• Only wise women can forgive, be so no matter what.

If you want to talk to someone, then let it be not your husband, but a close friend, sister or mother. It is useful to go to a psychologist who will help to look at the situation from the side and understand that nothing terrible has happened.

Do I need to get divorced after treason

Having learned about the betrayal of her husband, the first thing that comes to a woman’s head is to file for divorce. But think, you need another blow, if you have not recovered from the first. Divorce is a serious step, after which it will be difficult to correct the consequences.

It's one thing when you quarrel, disperse around the rooms, but after a few days you decide to make peace. It’s completely different to cross out a loved one from life forever. Even if he made a mistake, you promised to be with him in grief and joy. Marriage for this is to support each other, and not to abandon because of any reason. If you forgive betrayal and begin to trust your soulmate again, then the relationship will move to a new level and become stronger.

In any case, this issue should not be resolved alone, the husband must necessarily participate in this. Listen to his position, it suddenly turns out that a fleeting affair meant nothing to him, and now he realized how dear you are to him.

But it also happens that trust does not return, and it becomes difficult for you to live with your loved one. Or he does not change and continues to walk to the side. Such things can only be understood some time after the betrayal. And the conclusion here suggests itself is disappointing - will have to file for divorce.

How to regain self-confidence

The woman who was betrayed by her husband needs comfort and support. The first thing she does is blame herself for the situation. She says that she became not as beautiful as before, she stopped caring for herself, paying attention to her husband.

But this is not so. It’s just that you’re used to each other, you live together and there’s no reason to swagger in front of each other. To understand that you are a worthy woman and wife, simple daily exercises will help:

1. Pay attention to men. Nothing will increase a girl’s self-esteem, like compliments and courtship of the opposite sex.
2. Write all your merits on a piece of paper and reread them every day.
3. Set goals and achieve them. If you want to lose weight, set a specific date and the number of kilograms that will be reset by that time.
4. Do not envy anyone.
5. Become better than not yourself, but yourself.
6. Take care of yourself. Beauty must be maintained in any case.
7. Dress beautifully. Clothing should not be expensive, but it is obligatory to emphasize your advantages.
8. Find a hobby. Coloring by numbers, embroidery, cooking classes - these are trifles that will distract you from negative thoughts. And when you see the result, you will be pleasantly surprised.

Treason for a woman is a difficult event that not everyone can survive alone. If you caught a beloved “red-handed”, then do not keep emotions in yourself. Trust close people who see the situation from the outside and help make the right decision.

Video: how to start living after betrayal