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Good behavior should be encouraged, and bad behavior should be punished. Parents in this way teach a young man to distinguish between good and evil, form his system of values. But any parenting tools must be chosen wisely. Some forms of punishment give good results when others cripple the children's psyche and turn the baby into a closed, fearful person with low self-esteem.
Step 1: Justify and Explain
You can’t just put a child in a corner. If he got angry and broke his plate, turned the porridge over to a new sweater or cut his father’s trousers into rags, adults can and should punish the culprit, but before that it should be explained why cartoons or a computer are forbidden to him.
Psychologists recommend exhaling first, counting to ten, and preferably twenty, to calm anger. Young children do nothing "in spite." Any misconduct is an attempt to understand where the boundaries of the permissible end and the forbidden lands begin. Punishing, parents show the child this very trait, he assimilates the information and tries not to do this anymore, but if he received enough weighty arguments.
Talk with the guilty baby should be strictly, but without screaming. Scolding not for the emotions that he experiences, but only for bad deeds. For example, a child got angry and threw a cup of water on the floor. She crashed, leaving a huge puddle on the floor. Mom is upset and annoyed, she wants to hit the baby in the ass to teach a lesson, or scream to throw out the negative. Instead, you need to take a few deep breaths, look at the child and say: “You have the right to be offended (angry), but in our house it’s not customary to beat dishes (throw toys). I’m punishing you not for your feelings, but for a bad deed. ”
Step 2: Effective Ways
Of course, this method does not resemble punishment in the classical sense, but it works much more efficiently than slapping and screaming. The child will learn to be responsible for his actions and next time he will think about the possible consequences.
Step 3: Timely Punishment
Parents should respond immediately, not after a few days. If a child is guilty on Tuesday, it makes no sense to punish him on Sunday and not take him on a picnic. Parents should follow a strict scheme:
- they learned that the child was disgraceful;
- scolded and punished according to misconduct;
- forgiven and forgot.
You can’t daily remember your daughter or son that he had a fight with a neighbor boy. Usually, children quickly learn these rules, and if this happened the second time, then the culprit has a serious reason for such an act. In such cases, it is necessary not to punish, but to find out the reason and solve the problem using confidential conversations.
Step 4: Time to think
A child standing in a corner will just get tired, but is unlikely to draw conclusions. Psychologists recommend using the Timeout method.Children should be seated on a chair or sofa, but away from sweets, toys, a telephone and other things for entertainment. A delinquent kid should be left alone with his thoughts. Mom necessarily voices the reason why the child is punished, and the words or actions by which he can apologize.
Usually the kids are quite mobile, so they quickly get tired of sitting in one place. 3 minutes are enough for the culprit to realize that he really did a bad thing. Some mothers use the hourglass that they put in front of the child for clarity. It seems to children that an eternity has passed, so they try to behave themselves so that they no longer fall into a chair.
The reception works with kids from 2 to 5-6 years old. The main task of the mother, who is just starting to master the Timeout technique, is to ensure that the child remains in place. Moody and overly active children jump, try to pick up a toy or phone, but parents must be strict and persistent. If the child got up, he is returned back to the chair and the “counter” is reset. Did he have a minute? Now you have to sit three more, and so on until the child stops resisting.
Tip: The culprit can be seated on a chair or chair and held so that he does not run away. They don’t advise shouting or loosening their hands; such methods only scare the child. Parents should be persistent and adamant so that the baby understands that they do not play with him, but are punished for bad deeds.
Step 5: Silence
Young children are very attached to mom and dad, longing for their constant attention and communication. Psychologists recommend using the method of ignoring instead of physical punishment. Parents of a two-year-old baby after an unreasonable tantrum or trick should refuse to play with him and go about their business. Each time a child comes up, one should explain why mom or dad does not want to read him or turn on the cartoon.
Children 3-4 years old are recommended to explain not only the reason, but also the way how to make amends. Another technique works with five-year-old kids and schoolchildren. Parents only say once that he is to blame and that he should apologize. Then they are silent and ignore him. You can talk with the child when he asks for forgiveness and promises not to do so again.
Tip: You must carefully monitor the reaction of the baby and do not forget that the children's psyche is very vulnerable. If the child is really ashamed, he is quite punished. Ignoring should last no more than a day. You cannot turn the educational method into a reason for a many-day boycott.
Step 6: Privileges and Punishment
Modern children have mobile phones, computers, tablets and other things with which they practically never part. Is the child guilty? Specifically violated my mother’s ban? No cartoons for three days. Broccoli for dinner instead of cake. The Internet will appear when the deuce is fixed.
Parents must say the exact date when the punishment ends, and keep their word. Psychologists recommend not stretching the ban for weeks or months. In a child, the absence of a tablet is associated with a bad deed only for the first 2–4 days. Then he begins to think that his parents just do not like him, so they scoff at him.
For kids who scatter cubes and do not want to clean, break cars or tear books, you need to pick up toys. It is advisable to put it on the upper shelves so that the child sees bunnies and dolls, but cannot reach. Mom is advised not to pay attention to tantrums, to ignore tears and screams. In a calm and strict voice, repeat that the child will receive toys when he promises to clean them. If he scatters them again and leaves them, then his mother will pick them up.
For some minor offenses, it is advised to punish in a comic form.Did the child run in dirty shoes on the washed floor? Let him go back to the threshold, squat ten times and repeat: "I will not litter anymore." And then mom should hand him a rag and make him clean up after himself.
Children who do not want to wash their hands or put dirty dishes in the sink can be made to draw appropriate posters. Pictures are then hung in prominent places, and they will serve as a reminder.
Prohibited Tricks
You can not scare children with evil policemen, nurses or boarding schools. When mom does not keep her promise, the child ceases to believe her. She is no longer an authority for a child, so obeying her is not necessary.
Do not deprive children of food, blackmail or intimidate. Punishment should be alternated with praise for good deeds, so that the child sees the difference and can draw his own conclusions.
The upbringing of a full and independent personality is a laborious and troublesome affair. Parents can not do without punishments, but to reduce them, you need to control not only the child, but also themselves.
Video: how to behave with a naughty child
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